The Kairos Consultancy journey started way before it even had a name to it. I wrote a couple of posts on my personal blog while I was still in formal employment that I’m sharing here over the next few weeks because they’re still as relevant as ever.
I notice simple but peculiar things when I read the Bible. Things like how God tells people about their future spouses and/or children long before they materialize. Then I start asking questions. Like does stuff like that happen any more?
A few years ago, I was asking a whole different set of questions when God decided to start talking to me about marriage and family. In my mind it couldn’t have been more inopportune time. I wasn’t dating or even thinking about it and I felt far too young to be talking about a lifetime commitment.
But I think God gets a kick out of throwing curve balls at me lol…and so I found my 22-year-old self having serious life conversations with my Friend.
He started to share His vision for what family is supposed to be. And that’s the first thing that many of us miss out on. God doesn’t randomly put people together. You’d be surprised how much divine orchestration goes on for seemingly random couples to happen. There is a purpose and a blueprint for each and every family. Right from the man and woman who will get married and constitute that family.
Yes, I said man and woman. I won’t get into the LGBTQ debate because that’s not really the point of this post. I will say this. God never puts all His eggs in the same basket. Beyond the natural/physical, there are spiritual components God places in a man that a woman does not have. There is that which He will place in a woman that no man has. When the components in man and those in woman come together in holy matrimony, there is a divine union in the spirit that activates a crazy depth and number of spiritual transactions to happen henceforth. Sex is a physical manifestation of this spiritual union.
Now a man-man or woman-woman relationship can and does yield spiritual transactions. Just not the kind that lead to the fulfilment of God’s perfect will. It is not that the union of two gay men or two lesbian women wouldn’t make for a happy family. Let’s be real here. If the gauge is mere happiness, then there are certainly LGBTQ relationships out there that meet that measure and surpass it. To balance this out, the same goes for any heterosexual relationship that isn’t submitted to God. Regardless of your sexual orientation, you can’t achieve the will of God if you’re not in it to begin with. No matter how Christian or straight you are.
The foremost purpose of any relationship we have with others is to make us holy not happy. This whole story of relationships being solely for our happiness is a beautifully weaved lie that’s all over the world. However wonderful it may sound and that so many believe in it – even Christians – doesn’t make it any less of a lie.
If you’re looking for happiness devoid of holiness you’ll believe you can find it in anything and anyone you’re determined to pursue. If you’re looking for holiness and the eternal joy that comes with it, God’s already laid out a blueprint for it. He is determined for us to have holiness because through holiness we get the eternal version of far more than we could dream of for ourselves – including the very happiness we’re quick to look for outside of God. An eternal version that is not subject to the limitations of man and this world but is fully open to the expanse of His Kingdom.
The first lie of the enemy – one that he still uses to date – was that God is holding out on us, that He makes mistakes with us. Yet He looked at everything He made and called it good.
The first family – Adam and Eve – were naked before God, which means they were also naked before each other – without shame.
When you just know a person in the general sense, you only have access to information that is limited by experience, time, observation and disclosure. When you have a revelation of them, God shows you who they are – past, present and even future.
A person can only give you knowledge, even of themselves. Only the Holy Spirit can reveal spirit to spirit, much like how He reveals the Spirit of God to our spirit as men. There is a depth of intimacy that can only come from revelation.
If you’re in a divine relationship (whether dating, friendship or family), it’s not enough for you to merely know someone. It takes revelation to love them the way God wants us to. It takes revelation to fulfill the purpose for which God has put you in their lives and them in yours.
But just how do you go about finding “the one”? Scripture is wonderfully vague about this and I say wonderfully because as human beings we have a thing for trying to fit everything into templates. Love stories are far too grand and unique for one common template. I’ve written more about this in Marrying The Perfect Guy.
I don’t believe there is only one set person – a soul mate – for every individual. One, there is no mandatory clause on relationships. There are those who prefer a life of singlehood and so long as that’s in accordance to the will of God in their lives (and not in reaction to past relationship drama and/or trauma) there’s nothing wrong with that.
Second, we live in an imperfect world. Life happens. Death and divorce. Relationships that don’t last for one reason or another. My spiritual father always says that the purpose of God will never be held hostage by man. In the same way God can pick one human vessel for His purpose, He can take that purpose and put it in another vessel if need be.
The purpose of God in our lives is a constant, the people with and through whom it is accomplished may change.
That said, my own experience has been that God can reveal to you the purpose He has for your relationship, marriage and even family as well as the kind of human vessel. Sometimes, He’ll go a step further and reveal a specific person or very specific details about them.
Because some of the people out there claiming God has spoken to them about marrying certain people are jokers (God’s name is played with way too much), I need to make it clear that while God may speak to one person earlier than He does the other, He will ultimately speak to both parties. I know of a good number of relationships including my own where this has been the case.
Before my husband and I met, almost a decade prior, God had given him a specific list of details about his future wife and the role she would play in his life. My husband knew about us – and me – before I did. And rather than getting all up in my business about it, he wisely and patiently waited for God to speak to me as well. So by the time we were having that initial conversation about us, there was no question about whether God spoke. We both knew He did because He had spoken to each of us and to others as well.
God is not the author of confusion. There is no prophetic word He will ever give to an individual without bearing witness of that same word to another.
Happy Holy Every After
So much focus and emphasis has been placed on the wedding day both in the world and in church that I need to say this: there is life after the wedding. Y’all won’t be transfigured into eternity after the reception so you best be ready for the rest of your lives.
The primary sustenance for marriages and families is the word of God – His daily bread not a once-in-a-while snack that will barely get you through the smallest of challenges.
The Lord regularly speaks about my marriage and family (including my in-loves) through prophetic words we receive individually, together as a couple and indirectly through spiritual people in our lives and those He brings our way.
My husband and I are in a constant state of discovery about each other through knowledge and revelation that births even deeper intimacy between us. God has spoken of the kingdom assignments He has for us as individuals and as a couple; given specific direction for when we need to do what, with whom and how to go about it. For everything He requires us to do and be, there is corresponding grace and wisdom.
We know the ministries each of our children will carry. We have an inkling or two about the grandchildren. And so as early as now, long before any of them are physically conceived and birthed, we are able to prepare for them spiritually, mentally and emotionally. When they come, we won’t be surprised when they lean towards certain interests. If anything, with the foreknowledge we have, we’ll be able to create an environment for those interests to organically thrive. God is as practical as it gets when it comes to every day life.
The reason I share all this is because ignorance causes death. And there are far worse forms of death than physically not breathing. There is so much – so much – that we have access to as children of God but many of us have no clue. So we’re living hit and miss lives and inadvertently putting our relationships and families on the line.
The Lord Himself repeatedly says in Scripture that they who seek Him in earnest, will find Him. It’s not a question of if they find Him, but when and how.
Whether you’re single, in a relationship, married or parenting, know that God has a plan and a purpose for you and your family. For your parent(s), sibling(s), partner, spouse, child (ren).
If you’re called to the gate of family professionally – as a counsellor, service provider e.g. wedding crews (planners, caterers, video/photographers), etc – the same thing goes for those the Lord brings your way. What you offer and what the world has to offer cannot and should not be the same when you have access to the divine blueprint and understanding of those you are serving.
Seek Him and you shall find Him. And He’ll blow your mind with all the incredible things He has in store for you and those He has brought your way for you to serve and care for.
P.S. I write more on family in this Wednesday’s post – Entitlement & Grace: Homes.
Niyi Morakinyo’s book – The 7 Professional Nations: Reconciling Them Back To God – is where I got my categorization of the 7 gates as I’m writing about them. I highly recommend it for anyone looking to be fruitful for the Kingdom of God. You can download it from the Joshua Generation Trust website as a free resource. Just click here. 🙂